It's Okay To Ask For Help With Primary Biliary Cholangitis

I am from the generation of strong independent kids. If I wanted expensive jeans, I had to work for it. I had my first job at the age of 14. I worked hard my whole life. My Dad taught me to be strong and to be independent and to never have to rely on anyone else. So asking for help is really really tough for me.

I thought I could handle PBC at the beginning

I was diagnosed with primary biliary cholangits (PBC) in 2021.

At first it was only a minor inconvenience. Frequent doctor appointments, multiple blood draws, ultrasounds, biopsies, and trial and error with different medications. It really wasn't too bad in the beginning. The only symptom I had was itching, mild insomnia, and elevated liver enzymes.

I thought I am strong; I can handle this.

Worsening symptoms of PBC

Within 4 short years I went from fatty liver to cirrhosis. And on December 15, 2025, everything changed. That was when I experienced my first debilitating episode of hepatic encephalopathy.

Prior to that day I noticed subtle changes in my memory, and I just chalked it up to age and hitting the big 50. What was really happening was my PBC had gotten much worse. I am now diagnosed with not only cirrhosis and hepatic encephalopathy but also esophageal varicies, portal hypertension, anemia, extreme fatigue, and insomnia.

Suddenly needing to ask others for help

I never imagined my life changing so quickly. I went from working full-time as a radiologic technologist to out of work on permanent disability. I can no longer provide an income for my family. I can no longer drive to get myself to and from doctor appointments. I have to depend on my husband or neighbors to help.

I can't cook for myself anymore, as I have had several near misses with fires in the kitchen. I used to love making gourmet meals with all the appetizers, side dishes, and desserts. Now I can barely make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Feeling angry over my loss of independence

I get angry a lot that I can't do things on my own anymore. Some days I break down in tears, and I become so frustrated. It takes me twice as long to do anything.

When my husband takes me to the market, I stand in the aisle and I have no idea what I am looking for. I get so confused so easily.

As someone who used to be so strong and independent, it is so hard for me to ask for help. I don't want to bother anyone else. I am aware my illness has caused great stress in our household, not only financially, physically, but also emotionally.

Accepting that it's okay to ask for help

PBC has taken a great toll on my marriage and has changed the whole dynamic of my household. We went from a 50/50 household in the share of responsibilities to 80/20, or even days when my husband takes on 100% of the responsibilities.

Over the last few years my husband and I have learned that every day is different. I never know when I am going to have a good day or a bad day. PBC symptoms are so unpredictable.

What we have learned together was learning to surrender. Sometimes that means giving in to the disease and to rest when I can no longer continue. Sometimes that means to surrender the responsibilities I used to take on by myself. And to realize it is ok to ask for help.

If I can't complete all of the tasks I have at hand, tomorrow is a new day. And if it doesn't get done that day, then there is always the next day. I am slowly learning I don't have to be so strong and independent, and that it is not a weakness to have to ask for help.